Tuesday, 19 May 2015

mental health check-in

I have to be honest with you all - I haven't been feeling so wonderful lately. And that really sucks because I've been having quite the good streak. Last year was a really rough year for me and my mental health (you can read all about it here), so lately it feels like all the progress I've made has been for nothing.

Sometimes it's hard to keep your head high and muster through the struggle. My sister and I had a nice talk about it today - she told me that sometimes she gets so exhausted trying to fight it off that sometimes it's easier to simply succumb to the anxiety, and that really resonated with me. Anxiety (and other mental illnesses I'm sure) are absolutely exhausting sometimes. Really, most of the time. I only really started getting back to my full "normal" self a couple of months ago.

However now it feels like it's going downhill.

I know that it's the anxiety talking here and that I should ignore it, but it gets a bit more complicated than that. I've had a bad week and it makes me so sad and so annoyed and frustrated. I don't know what's brought it on. There have been hiccups this year, but nothing that compared to last year, until this week. That awful feeling of 'oh my god I'm going to throw up", the weird tingling numbness up my arms, the cold feeling in my ears, the dizziness, ugh.

What I can say, though, is that I'm trying. And that is really, really important. The other night I felt super anxious, but still managed to get out and about to see my friends. Sometimes, that can prove very beneficial. For example, I confessed to my friend about how I was feeling when I gave her a lift to the dinner we were going to, and it turns out she was feeling the same way. This was nice (in a way) as it meant we could check up on each other through the night. Tonight was really hard as it involved my boyfriend, and even though to me he is a place (for want of a better word) where I feel safe, but unless the environment we're in is my place, then that doesn't matter - I still get anxious. So I wanted to stay, and I tried really hard, but in the end I just had to leave so I could feel safe again.

It's also important to know that you're not weak for succumbing to anxiety. If what you need is to stay home under your blankets listening to the rain with your cat, then so be it. Make sure you stay mentally healthy. It's vital to make sure you're going to be okay, even if it's just for the next few days.

So I've had my little mental health check-in, how about you? How have you guys been feeling? If you've been feeling a little under the weather in any way, is there something you can do to change that? Remember to always take care of yourself. ♡

xx Silje

{a little side note: here is a really good article on what I was suffering from last year. it's a little different to my own experience, but it's comforting to know that I'm not alone}