I feel very fortunate to be where I am. I have a family who loves me, a roof over my head, food to eat whenever I want and need it, everything I need to survive and be happy.
And yet, I'm not.
I "graduated" therapy back in early May, a little over a month before I moved out of my parents' home. My therapist told me I had come a very long way since when I first started seeing her. Even now, my anxiety is under control. That, however, is not what is bothering me.
I feel as though there is a cloud over my head. I feel alone, and I feel as though there's nothing going for me. I finally get a job, and they give me two shifts before cutting contact with me. I haven't even been paid. I finally meet people, but they're not really my friends. It's like I'm getting setback after setback after setback.
Today I almost got given a $100 fine for not having the right identification for the train ticket I bought. The truth was, I couldn't afford to spend $4.50 on a train ticket. It would cost me $9 to go a single lecture, but I have to go - education right? So I bought a concession, which saved me almost $3. I have student ID so I thought I'd get away with it - but I almost didn't.
I have tried and tried and tried with Centrelink (the Australian welfare), but they're just not working for me. I have to call them, but all their phone systems are automated and I can't get the robot on the other end to understand what I need. There goes any benefits I'm eligible for. It has been two weeks since my first shift at a local cafe, and a week since I texted the manager asking for more work. No response. A payslip from the accountant, but no pay to go with it.
The worst part is I really rely on my friends for support, but it's not the same when it's over text or Facebook. I don't really have close enough friends here to talk to. Scratch that, I don't really have friends over here at all.
So to me, it feels like my life kinda sucks right now. I'm not okay. I haven't been blogging because I really haven't been up to it. I hope there are a few of you who understand and will still stay along for when I'm mentally healthy enough to write (cheerily) again.
I hope that wherever you are, you're faring better than me - and if not, lots and lots of virtual hugs for you, because it's okay not to be okay. You can also shoot me an email from the sidebar if you need to chat about any problems you're facing. I'm by no means a psychologist but we can support one another.
Lots of love xxx